How to Build Your Village: The Art of Finding Your Community in Modern Times
“It takes a village to raise a child”. It’s a sentiment we have all heard time and time again. We are often told that we were never meant to experience pregnancy and parenthood alone. But where is the village? Is finding this elusive village easier said than done?
Times change and they change quickly, leaving us to catch up. The village was very different 50 years ago than it is today. So, how do we go about building our village in our modern-day society?
We live in a society that very much values independence, hard work and autonomy. Those qualities aren’t always synonymous with community or community values. It’s important to find a balance between the two.
The first pillar in building your village is to build your community. Community involvement can be so underrated, but it can be such a valuable part of life in many different aspects. Building a community looks different for everyone. Think about your own personal values and beliefs and start from there. What communities or part of communities would feel like home for you? Find groups, events and areas of your community that interest you and start making connections. I am a big believer in reciprocal relationships. The kind of care you put into your community will come back to you.
Those of us who are lucky enough to have a core group of people close to us to be part of our village still need to do our due diligence in making sure that they are the right fit. It is important that our values, goals and core beliefs align and are respected to have the trusting relationship with your village that is integral to its success. Having a village of people who support you while respecting your boundaries is essential. We must surround ourselves with people who bring us comfort free of judgement.
Doula support is a wonderful way to build your village as well. Doulas can complement the village you already have or assist you in building one. With community support in mind, doulas connect you with people and services they believe would be the best fit for you. Doulas are also there for YOU. We meet you where you are and support you in the ways that you need in that moment. The same way we want to ensure our family members and friends have similar values and beliefs (in terms of raising a child especially), you want to find a doula that is on a similar page as well. Remember, not every doula will be the perfect fit, but there IS a doula out there for you.
Not everyone’s village looks the same and that’s okay. It’s okay to feel sad or disappointed if we don’t have the village we expected or have a ready-made one. It’s okay if our village takes some work to build.
Be the village for others and your village will find you.
Your Village,
Delanie King